i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
