1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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