Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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