You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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