Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
