He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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