I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
