To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
