i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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