The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
