If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found the puke drawer
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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