pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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