she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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