I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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