I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
