As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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