just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
