Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
