I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
