Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You made out with two different species that night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
