you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
