Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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