Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
