I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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