So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you win again, gameday.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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