i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
