so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
