I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
