This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
