How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
