I love black thongs
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
