What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
