There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
