Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
