# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
