i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
