people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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