Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
