is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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