Whoa Z and x make the same sound
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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