Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
