Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
