i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
