You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
