Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
