News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
