non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
