Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
