apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
