Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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