I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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